@KingCharlie9 hey did you hear, Steve Harvey and his wife got into a fight? It was a family feud

 

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''

The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''

''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''

''Yeah, he's my dad.''

''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''

The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''

''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''

The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.'

 

I bought shoes from a drug dealer, dunno what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day man.

 

Think of the old nursery rhyme
“Knick nack pattywhack, give a dog a bone. This old man came rolling Home.”

 

Spoiler: Why can't dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still no idea.

 

Something tells me I'll need to get better at puns.
(@Bluebo_)

 

What do you call a disabled Pepe?

A [mod-edit].

 

To whoever took my microsoft office, I will find you. You have my Word!

 

http://prntscr.com/hbiwe7

 

Was going to go to a party with Taylor Swift and Shake It Off. Found out it was just one of the wildest dreams

 

Um just give me a second to post a photo of my face, it’s a pun in itself.